What is "Madman's testament?"
For the first official post, I would like to share what’s behind the name “Madman’s testament.”
When I was a kid, I did a lot of writing. Stories, poems and everything in between. It resonated well into my schoolwork as I got excellent grades from writing exercises and literature exams. But somewhere around the age of 10, I stopped completely. I only did the minimal what was needed for school. And as you would expect, the teenage years hit. And hit hard. Heavy metal, black clothes, edgy movies and fast cars became my personality for the next 6 years. By the time I was 15, I had become a loner who thought to be something else than he really was. The addition of Covid was just gasoline into the flames. Long gone was the expressive boy who passionately wrote like he was Stephen King himself. I didn’t realise it at the time but I wasn’t actually listening to my heart. Because I was too embarrassed to write or express my other childhood interests. I thought I was focusing on what I actually wanted but truthfully I wasn’t. Still, there are plenty of positives to be found from these years. My new hobbies and interests were a vital part in forming my current persona. But this wasn’t until upper secondary school became (meaning high school for the people outside of Finland.)
Fall 2022. New city, new school, fresh start. The upcoming half a year would be rough for me. But it was the time of self discovery. The impact of a bigger city and a new environment made me realise that people couldn’t actually give a shit how you looked, what you did or what you liked. As I had advanced in my studies (I was 16 back then), I soon realised what were my actual strong traits. Even though I had gone to a school which focused on math and technology, I soon realised that I didn’t meet the required skill level and struggled a lot. And my motivation towards studying degraded with it. But as my math exams were like playing russian roulette with a full magazine, my actual talents started to show on subjects thatI flourished in. Literature and history became the aces up my sleeve. My grades were immensely better on those subjects than on any other. And what do they have in common? Writing.
Before I fully realised my writing talent, I was a keen gamer and a fan of movies. I loved games and movies which had plenty of action and explosions with shitty dialogue and plot points (Fast and Furious, Overwatch and Forza games to name a few.) But as I got older, I wanted to get more meaningful experiences to improve my general knowledge of entertainment. I am still to this day a pessimist and I love experiencing games, movies and music which have rough topics and not necessarily a fairytale setting (Call me edgy and emo if you want.) But at some point during the end of 2022, a flame was lit inside me that wasn’t going to shut down easily. I became hugely invested in storytelling. John Wick, Heat, Yakuza 0 and Miami Vice boosted my interest in stories and art immensely. But I didn’t even imagine writing myself yet. That was out of the question. But soon I would get over my shame.
One thing led to another and I moved back to my home town in February 2023 due to various personal reasons. The following months weren’t exactly something to be proud of but I slowly managed to get my life back on rails. I continued on enjoying different forms of entertainment that spoke to me. But as fall arrived, the winds of change blew again. The urge to write became unbearable. Studying the work of Stephen King, Michael Mann, Sam Lake and many more, I knew I had to start writing again. The last kick to the butt was when I learned that King himself did well in school in literature and history. By now, my grades in literature and english were very good and I got praised for my imagination and skill to write understandable texts. So, it was time to face my doubts and on one gloomy Monday evening, I went and bought a notebook only meant for creative writing. I decided that this notebook must have a name to describe what I was about to do.
Back in the 80s, The prince of darkness aka rock legend Ozzy Osbourne sang about the diary of a madman. The song is about a depressed person who is slowly going insane while writing the diary of a madman. I fell in love with this song instantly through its melancholic lyrics and Randy Rhoads’ unforgettable guitar work. So as I was thinking furiously about the name, this song came to mind. It was about a writer, who probably didn’t know themselves where this would take them. And in my heavy metal filled head, I took the “madman” part of it and paired it with “testament.” Boy was I proud of myself. But that’s how I saw this challenge. I didn’t know what to expect or where this would take me. But as the texts became piling up, I slowly realised what this silly notebook had become. It wasn’t a diary but it was the source for my own creative material. Something I had come up with by myself.
So now, on the verge of Christmas 2024, things have evolved immensely. I am now a proud amateur writer who regularly goes to a writing course, reads novels, writes poems and short stories, visits the library and has completed ⅓ of his first novel. This hobby has begun to support my other interests in music, video games and movies. You start to look at things in a different light. It becomes a lifestyle. And now it has escalated to the point where I’m even writing my own blog which bears the same name that kickstarted it all. The angsty teenage years behind a mask of shame are long gone and through self-discovery and anarchy I have found my persona again that I will hold dear to me until I die.
To end this rather long explanation of the blog's name, I want to close with the ending line to the first part of my novel “Black Velvet Angels.” At this point, the main character sees his first beacon of light after the death of his wife. The theme of the scene hit me right to the core:
The fight had only begun. The road ahead was long. Nobody knew what would be at the end of it. I would fight alongside The BloodTrance. I would do it for myself. I would do it for the crew. And I would do it for Stella. To remember her. In the dark of the night, the black velvet angels would sing for her. And to remind me. To keep me on the right path. To keep me alive.
Wilson
14.12.2024
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